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Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Stagnate writing, stress, and sleep deprivation

I'm not sure exactly what this post is...

I'd thought about posting a Yelp review but as I don't want to name names I'm posting here.

So, is this a rant?

I've also felt a bit saddened by the fact that my blog has lain fallow for such a long time now.

Does that mean that this is a sort of apology for neglecting this forum?

An apology to whom?

Ah well. In any case, here goes. I've been absolutely exhausted and desperately sleep deprived. My dogs are geriatric and the older one of the two is approaching 14-years and isn't in the best of health. We moved to the desert in July 2011 and she blew out her CCL sometime in the late fall--she'd already blown the other and had one TPLO surgery in May 2011 and now it looked like she needed another on the other side in Dec and of course I'm kicking myself for not having the doctor just go ahead and do both sides in May.

This surgery was difficult and expensive the first time around and so I went to the vet knowing--or at least assuming I knew--what to expect.

Well, according to my regular vet there's exactly ONE vet here in this godforsaken desert who does this surgery. Unfortunately, he is an absolutely despicable human being. He also knows he can get away with it as he has no competition. He charged twice what the previous surgeon charged and when I questioned this (in fact whenever I questioned anything) he acted like I was somehow a terrible parent for being completely unwilling to just blindly spend whatever it cost. The man had zero bedside manner and was almost intolerable to deal with. In retrospect, I should have sought out another doctor but my dog was in pain and we'd already started the process of X-rays and examinations, plus since this vet came highly recommended by my regular vet it was (or should have been) easy to share records and consultations. However...

My regular vet took some very expensive (and uncomfortable for my dog) X-rays and when I expressed concern about this as I had a feeling the surgeon was just going to retake the images, she assured me that she'd put the films on a disc that I could take to him. Why couldn't she just email these to him? We will never know.

Anyway, the long and short of that snafu is that despite driving across town twice and calling receptionists and vet techs at both hospitals to confirm that I would hand-deliver the disc, the surgeon said he never received the disc and had to retake the X-rays. Basically, I could have just thrown $345 out of my car window. The jerk didn't even bother to fake an apology.

This, taken together with his rude exasperation at every question that I had, I should have gone elsewhere.  But as I said, it seemed easier to just proceed and hope that this doctor, despite being an absolute ass, at least knew what he was doing with regard to the TPLO procedure. He was highly recommended by my regular vet.

Monday, October 21, 2013


Today I spent a great deal of time contemplating the concept of dharma


धर्म (dharma) m
  1. religion

Etymology From Sanskrit धर्म (dhárma)


धर्म (dharma)
  1. religion



From Proto-Indo-European *dʰer- (“to hold, to support”).


धर्म (dhárma) m
  1. morality, virtue, moral code, good deed, good works
  2. that which is established or firm, steadfast decree, statute, ordinance, law
  3. usage, practice, customary observance or prescribed conduct, duty
  4. right, justice (often as a synonym of punishment)
  5. religion, religious merit
  6. Law or Justice personified
  7. the law or doctrine of Buddhism
  8. the ethical precepts of Buddhism
  9. the law of Northern Buddhism
  10. nature, character, peculiar condition or essential quality, property, mark, peculiarity
  11. a particular ceremony
  12. sacrifice
  13. the ninth mansion
  14. Upanishad
  15. associating with the virtuous
  16. religious abstraction, devotion
  17. bow
  18. Soma-drinker
  19. name of the 15th अर्हत् (arhat) of the present अवसर्पिणी (ava-sarpiṇī)
It also has to do with spiritual purification. It is a way of being in the world that helps one to become spiritually pure. "Truth is one, ways are many."

Sunday, October 6, 2013

A Flash Love Story

"When you're feeling better, we'll go to the lake house again. How wonderful it was at the lake. The rocks, fresh apples, the bright summer sun that shimmered like scattered diamonds?  It was our beautiful world. We were happy. We fell in love."
"I've not forgotten. But I'm not getting better, love, I'm dying."
She shut her eyes and pressed her lips to his chest, her voice barely audible over his fading breath, "Can't we just pretend?"

Thursday, August 22, 2013


You have this image of yourself in a wedding dress sewn entirely of hymens—little ovals stitched together— faintly pink and transparent, like cherry petals, and vibrating with miniature howls—some of pleasure, some of pain, some of disappointment—and when you move there's the delicate sound of membranes tearing (5).

~ Ben Perez

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

I fell in love with words

Maybe that's why I couldn't fall in love with a person. My heart was already spoken for.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Meteoric Flowers: Visual Image Becomes Metaphor

In Elizabeth Willis's collection, Meteoric Flowers, the complexly interconnected visual images become metaphors for existence. Life, love, technology and evolution collide to offer flashes of the tenuous and fragile human relationships that form between mother and daughter, teacher and pupil, master and apprentice, poet and reader. The language is so strikingly personal that one feels almost like a voyeur. The collection is an homage to both Wallace Stevens and Erasmus Darwin, and the influence of both of these writers on the collection is clear, but at the same time the prose poems are intensely personal, almost confessional.

The form is experimental, forcing readers to rethink ideas about the imagined differences between verse and prose. The collection is broken into four cantos, each canto contains thirteen prose poems (or verses), except for the third canto, which contains fifteen poems, and, in an explicit homage to Erasmus Darwin's 1791 publication, Botanic Garden, each canto ends with an editor's note of errata and omissions. However, these notes, omissions, and errata are themselves poems (or continuing verses depending on how you read them). Willis refers to these poems as "lyric interruptions" to the prose cantos. In a note on the text Willis explains:
The investigative energy and poetic ambition of his Botanic Garden (1791) suggested not so much a form as a sensibility with which to approach a period of political, intellectual, and biological transformation. Darwin's poems address everything from the sexual life of plants to the evils of slavery, the conquest of Mexico, Franklin's experiments with electricity, and the relation of poetry to painting. In their unwieldy asymmetries and their sudden leaps between botany, political and aesthetic history, and pastoral romance, this work of the late Enlightenment seemed an eerily apt model for riding out the inter-discursive noise of the early twenty-first century. Poetry, it says, can be at once an account of the physical world, a rethinking of the order of things, and a caprice. (77)
And so it is. If this is Willis's contractual agreement with her reader, then her poems do exactly what they set out to do--these poems are "at once an account of the physical world, a rethinking of the order of things, and a caprice."

I am in love with this collection, admittedly, but one of my favorites, possibly due to my enduring Yeats obsession, has to be

"Rosicrucian Machinery"

The past torches itself like a mummy, dear but misremembered.
What did you manage to remember of your day at the beach,
blood in the sand? We're close enough to touch the bull's horn
with a gasp. Of course I pity a boy among crows. A spectator
trawling for the roundest metaphor to counterweight the stabbing
air. What gives, or gave, to get us here, what wired fluorescence?
The treelike nerves to become all things. Turned in, reflected,
postponed. (46)