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Thursday, June 25, 2015

Thinking about a Boy

Sitting at a stoplight, gas tank on empty, thinking about a beautiful blue-eyed boy. I look over and the young man in the pristine white T-Bird next to me is blowing bright pink bubblegum bubbles.

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Write the poem: Ways of Making Love. List them.

Early in the morning, just before dawn
To music
From across the room, using only our eyes
With words and kisses smothered with laughter
While dancing in the rain
Wearing nothing but water droplets and rain-boots
Drunkenly, in the afternoon, with clumsy hands and all the things we never said.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Return to me, my love

I can't bear the pain of saying goodbye.

“You only need one man to love you. But him to love you free like a wildfire, crazy like the moon, always like tomorrow, sudden like an inhale and overcoming like the tides. Only one man and all of this.”

“They say a good love is one that sits you down, gives you a drink of water, and pats you on top of the head. But I say a good love is one that casts you into the wind, sets you ablaze, makes you burn through the skies and ignite the night like a phoenix; the kind that cuts you loose like a wildfire and you can't stop running simply because you keep on burning everything that you touch! I say that's a good love; one that burns and flies, and you run with it!”
~ C. JoyBell C.

“Love is not an equation, it is not a contract, and it is not a happy ending. Love is the slate under the chalk, the ground that buildings rise, and the oxygen in the air. It is the place you come back to, no matter where you're headed”
~ Jodi Picoult

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Passion Is Sacred

"The influence of a vital person vitalizes, there’s no doubt about it. The world without spirit is wasteland. People have the notion of saving the world by shifting things around, changing the rules, and who’s on top, and so forth. No, no! Any world is a valid world if it’s alive. The thing to do is to bring life to it, and the only way to do that is to find in your own case where the life is and become alive yourself."

~ Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth, with Bill Moyers

"Imagine it's 30 years from now. You're looking back at the history of your relationship with desire. There was a certain watershed moment when you clearly saw that some of your desires were mediocre, inferior, and wasteful, while others were pure, righteous, and invigorating. Beginning then, you made it a life goal to purge the former and cultivate the latter. Thereafter, you occasionally wandered down dead ends trying to gratify yearnings that weren't worthy of you, but usually you wielded your passions with discrimination, dedicating them to serve the highest and most interesting good."

"Imagine this scene. You're really thirsty -- so dehydrated that you're feeling faint. Yet here's the weird thing: You're walking along the bank of a wide river that's so clear you could see the bottom if you looked. But you're not looking. In fact, you seem oblivious to the surging force of nature just a few yards away.

Is it invisible to you? Are you so preoccupied with your suffering that you're blind to the very source that would end your suffering"

~ Rob Brezsny

Wednesday, May 20, 2015


Ancestor, Grotto, Halloween, Martyr, Mustang, Neptune, Unholy, Virtue, Blues, Dragon, Finger, Island, Joker, Rook, Scream, Shackle, Slave, Tiger, Civilization, Entertainment, Illumination, Comet, Drum, Fever, Foot, Friend, Iron, Light, Lips, Past, Pitch, Wolf, Zoo, Abundance, Armor, Bastard, Breast, Center, Comedy, Delight, Horse, Mayhem, Music, Poker, Prince, Release, Sadism, Spark, State, Taste, White, Conversation, Submission, Affair, Alien, Camera, Coin, Demand, Dream, Duke, Globe, Home, Joke, Key, King, Lock, Blue, Cup, Film, Food, Gamble, Line, Mind, Pact, Pain, Toe, Adversary, Ally, America, Animal, Anticipation, Apocalypse, Audio, Cabaret, Celebration, Circle, Consort, Devotion, Flesh, I Ching, Invention, Jubilation, Lens, Lion, Monster, Moonlight, Rapport, Resistance, Snake, Surrender, Synergy, Tomb, Trumpet, Typhoon, Universe, Vortex.

Butcher, Council, Engineer, Glory, Mouth, Player, Power, Stars, Theater, Africa, Boat, Change, Death, Fire, Gold, Jackal, Ocean, Palace, Rich, Tide, gility, Ambition, Author, Barbarism, Forest, Iridium, Monkey, Prayer, Shepherd, Shout, Spring, Violet, Warlock, Wisdom, Authority, Compulsion, Intimidation, Sterility.

Aurora, Beauty, Bitter, Chariot, Cocktail, Craving, Cross, Dazzle, Energy, Jury, Melody, Messiah, Occult, Opium, Pinnacle, Tantra, Tarot, Vassal, Vixen, Weapon, Beast, Defiance, Judge, Luck, Mink, Omen, Radio, Rock, Seer, Time, Authority, Compulsion, Intimidation, Sterility, Blues, Dragon, Finger, Island, Joker, Rook, Scream, Shackle, Slave, Tiger, Ancestor, Grotto, Halloween, Martyr, Mustang, Neptune, Unholy, Virtue, Constellation, Civilization, Entertainment, Illumination.

Appetite, Debauchery, Debutante, Ecstasy, Guarantee, Rebellion, Rhythm, Sapphire, Treason, Yellow, Black, Redemption, Sentiment, Vulture, Butcher, Council, Engineer, Glory, Mouth, Player, Power, Stars, Theater, Body, Chaos, Girl, Guide, Hacker, Hero, Madman, Shame, Abundance, Armor, Aurora, Authority, Bastard, Beast, Beauty, Bitter, Breast, Center, Chariot, Cocktail, Comedy, Comet, Compulsion, Conversation, Craving, Cross, Dazzle, Defiance, Delight, Drum, Energy, Fever, Foot, Friend, Horse, Intimidation, Iron, Judge, Jury, Light, Lips, Luck, Mayhem, Melody, Messiah, Mink, Music, Occult, Omen, Opium, Past, Pinnacle, Pitch, Poker, Prince, Radio, Redemption, Release, Rock, Sadism, Seer, Sentiment, Spark, State, Sterility, Tantra, Tarot, Taste, Time, Vassal, Vixen, Vulture, Weapon, White, Wolf, Zoo.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

The Reader of Signs

On December 31, 2014, I died. I was sideswiped by a hit and run driver. I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy reading the signs. He wasn't reading the signs. He aimed straight for me, but then swerved at the last moment, a moment of conscience, perhaps, and only sideswiped me. But it was enough. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was a fatal blow. For the next two weeks I was one of the walking dead. Mortally wounded, completely unaware of my tragic fate. Such a strange word. Fate. But there it is, I'd been frozen in place reading the signs. I knew what was about to happen, what would happen, no matter how I tried to prevent it. It felt like déjà vu. It had happened before and it would happen again. Over and over again.

It felt fated.

I know how you probably feel about people who use those kind of words, believe me, I feel the same way most of the time. New age shysters out to sell you something or woefully deluded, albeit well intentioned, tree-hugging busybodies out to save your soul. Oh yes, I was skeptical, cavalier even. I scoffed at the idea. Souls? Fate? Reincarnation? Even Nietzsche's idea of eternal recurrence seemed too hippie-crystal metaphysical for my taste. But I am speaking of the soul here. At least metaphorically. I'd sustained a mortal wound to my spirit. And he'd dealt the death blow before and would do it again. Will do it again.

He was sorry. So sorry. He regretted it almost immediately. But not enough to stop. Not enough to prevent him from seeking me out two weeks later to apologize. He held my face in his hands and kissed me. He said he loved me. And then he left me for dead.

It's not his fault. He is as trapped in this cycle as I am. As if we've made some sort of death pact in another life. He knows it won't kill me. Not exactly. It is a metaphorical death and rebirth. Like the phoenix I will rise from the ashes and be reborn. There is no other Troy for me to burn.

“ever tried.
ever failed.
no matter.
try again.
fail again.
fail better.”

~ Samuel Beckett

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Cut-Up Poem for Johanna's Birthday

Women think
 I had thought in those years, I suppose

But what pain

 I thought now,  to settle upon –

did not hold – that even that was illusory?

some more fantastic and rare dream
having once aspired? ...the most-the best-we can do:

over and over again, in the quiet part of our minds.

* These are Johanna's words, taken from Goodreads quotes from her novels. I just cut them up and rearranged them to create this poem.